Innuendo
by fairmaidofkent
Summary: Narcissa just wants to go shopping, but Lucius could swear there's something else on her mind... Written for the July Quill contest on the Hideaway.


"It's perfect. Absolutely _perfect_!" Narcissa bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet, looking around eagerly. Lucius rolled his eyes.

"It's a two bedroom flat, Narcissa. That we're renting. For a month. While the Manor is being refurbished."

"But it's _our_ two-bedroom-one-bath-five-hundred-square-foot-third-floor flat! You know, this is what most couples get to do as soon as they're married. [iMost[/i couples don't inherit an eight century old manor from their parents when they get married. We had to wait two years."

"If you're even vaguely _implying_ that you prefer this little-"

"Of course I'm not Lucius," She soothed immediately. The man was strangely proud of his home. And name. And blood. And money. And his- was there really anything he wasn't oddly proud of? Narcissa wondered.

"Now, my pet, what shall we do first?"

She knew exactly what he intended. In fact, she was already being steered pointedly towards the bedroom. _The undecorated bedroom_, she thought sadly. With mournful eyes, she looked around at the painfully white walls, the pitifully bare floors, and the undraped windows.

"Lucius… Let's go shopping, please?"

He paused. "Narcissa, I do not _want_ to go shopping."

"But just…" She gestured to the sparseness of the space. "We can decorate!"

"The furniture won't be here until tomorrow."

"Exactly! It'll be here tomorrow! And there's just so much that needs to get done before then." With beseeching eyes, she gazed up at him hopefully. "Please?"

Lucius knew he'd get nowhere if he chose to refuse his wife's (totally outrageous!) request.

"We will buy one item." He informed her forcefully.

"Mmhmm," Narcissa agreed quickly with a nod. _And then get twenty more_, she amended silently. But it had worked; they were out of the flat and on their way. With a playful smile, she slid her hand into his.

"I'm so glad you agreed to this." She purred in his ear. "I'm sure we'll have an absolutely, _breathtakingly_ marvelous time."

He gave her a long, measured stare, but remained silent as they entered the hardware store.

"Good afternoon! My name is Steve, how can I help you today?"

"We're decorating our new flat!" Narcissa informed him excitedly. "We need _everything_!"

"Narcissa! I said one item. So go on, pick one."

"But Lucius," Pouting delectably, she turned back to him and rested her hands upon his chest, pressing ever so lightly in emphasis. "Once is no fun."

He wondered suddenly if they were still discussing furnishings.

"Fine." He conceded defeat at last. "Two then."

"I was thinking…" Her arms slid around his neck and she tugged him closer. "We spend all day… _amusing ourselves_."

"Here?"

"Where better?"

"_Fine_." He spat. _You manipulative little…_

"Excellent!" Springing backward, Narcissa turned again to Steve. "My husband and I have the entire afternoon. I was thinking we could start by looking at carpet samples?"

In his entire life, Lucius had never dreamt looking for home fittings would be so time-consuming. Or frustrating, on multiple levels.

"Which do you like better, Lucius? The cream, ivory, or beige?" Maddeningly, he was plucked from his mindless watching of Narcissa chewing her lower lip by the question.

"Darling, those are all the exact same." Had she gone mad?

Narcissa rolled her eyes and gave Steve a knowing look. "Well perhaps I won't ask your opinion on anything else."

"That would be nice."

She gave a suffering sigh. "Well, I suppose it really depends on the color of the walls. Can we go look at paint now?"

Steve was only too happy to show her the selection.

Delighted, Narcissa snatched up a brush for sale, and began browsing through the different coloured swatches.

"I like the pale jade… It would go nicely with our couch. Or that olivine…"

Nodding without actually paying attention (a handy trick he'd learned a while back), Lucius attention was quite suddenly snared by some else.

_Am I_ _the only one who finds her behaviour with that paintbrush terribly obscene?_ Apparently so, he decided after a quick sweep of the store. Even Steve seemed oblivious. Why, the way she was running her hand along the length of it, massaging little circles with her thumb, it was almost as if…

"I like this one." He grabbed a random colour from the rest. "Can we go home now?"

"Love, that's mauve, and it wouldn't go with a thing we own. Now, this chartreuse, on the other hand…"

She was really intending to do this to him all day, wasn't she?

"Hmm…" She ran the bristles infuriatingly across her chin and neck. "I can't decide. We'll come back to this later. How about curtains now?"

"You'll see miss," Steve explained as they approached, "That these here are brilliant for temporary housing. You can hang them anywhere you want, and then you just snap, and they come down and fold themselves up in a corner. Observe. If you'll hold these, miss…" He handed the cloth to Narcissa, who draped it around and across herself like a robe, "And sir, if you'll just snap your fingers…"

He did so, and the makeshift robe she'd constructed flew off and lay neatly on the floor. Narcissa laughed, and Lucius ground his teeth.

"I think those will be perfect, but if we don't have a set colour scheme yet, it'll be rather hard to choose a particular one, don't you think, Lucius?"

"Yes," He snarled sarcastically. "That is _exactly_ what I'm thinking of right now."

"I'd say, light fixtures now."

As soon as Lucius heard the phrase 'Easy to turn on', he studiously tuned the rest of the conversation out.

"Well Steve," Narcissa sighed as they arrived back at the front doors. "You were incredibly helpful, but I don't think we're ready to get anything quite yet. We'll be back soon though!" She promised as they left.

'Soon' was far too soon for Lucius.

When they got back to the flat, Narcissa yawned.

"I think today has been exhausting. I would like a bubble bath."

"That, my dear, is the best suggestion you've made all day." Lucius informed her as he trotted along behind her towards the bathroom. However, once they reached it, Narcissa turned to him with a condescending laugh.

"Oh Lucius, you're not taking a bath _with_ me."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You've not done a thing all day but sit around looking miserable. You haven't worked hard enough to deserve one! Tell the elves I want salmon for dinner." With that, she vanished into the room, closed the door in his face, and locked it with a magical click.

"_Narcissa_!"


End file.
